02.02.07

Aqua Teen Hunger Force…Terrorist Masterminds!

Posted in General at 9:06 pm by ZoeWashburne

Has the world gone completely mad? I mean really, I’m totally serious, has the world just lost its mind with no hope of ever being “normal” again? The ridiculousness of this week’s “terror scare” in Boston is making me think twice about the sanity of today’s society. I mean, when a cartoon meatball, shake, and fries can stop an entire city in its tracks, it’s time for some serious reevaluating of our national security tactics.

Let’s go over the facts, shall we? Dozens of battery powered electronic signs with a lighted, silly-looking character on the front giving us the finger were attached to bridges, storefronts, and train stations in a few major cities in order to draw attention to the upcoming Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie. This type of “teaser” marketing ploy is used everyday for a variety of products. An advertiser places an image or some words that don’t really make any sense on a billboard that makes people wonder what the hell it all means. After a few weeks, another ad usually replaces the “teaser” image with something like, Drink More Cola, and the mystery is solved. Personally, I find these kinds of ads annoying because I’m always disappointed with the end result. So, Turner Broadcasting decides to use this type of marketing in order to inform young, hip, in-the-know fans, as well as hopefully attracting new, uninformed, out-of-the-know young adults of the quirky cartoon’s upcoming movie. For weeks the ad campaign barely raised an eyebrow, another marketing failure…but then bang (please don’t be frightened by my use of such terror-evoking imagery), suddenly an entire city is paralyzed by what ultimately equates to a few dozen Lite-Brites!

What exactly is going on here? Have we really been brainwashed to fear everything now to the point of being reduced to acting like frightened little children hiding under the covers afraid of what boogeyman might be hiding in our closets? How is it that a little device with some exposed AA batteries in it with a stupid cartoon character on it managed to convince anyone, let alone hundreds of police, emergency workers, federal agents, bomb squads, and even the U.S. Coast Guard? It’s pure insanity! As far as I’m concerned, the city of Boston should pay Cartoon Network just for being so damned stupid!

Now, before all you Bostonians start posting angry comments, I don’t blame you, I blame the carefully crafted, highly successful marketing campaign that is the Office of Homeland Security. Since that fateful day in September, the plan to control the American public through scare tactics and the loss of personal freedoms has successfully managed to manipulate how we think about everything from our drinking water to what we put in our carry-on luggage to the chicken dinners we serve our families. We have been taught, like so many lemmings, that you’re either with us or against us and with that came the mind-numbing fear of everything strange or unknown. How far will we allow this federally funded manipulation to continue? Will we one day find ourselves hitting our heads against the wall, speaking in feverish nonsense like Jeffrey Goines or hiding deep inside the planet like a frightened, childish James Cole in 12 Monkeys? Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that.

What it all really comes down to is, how long will we allow our abilities to reason and use logic be used against us in the name of national security? If we’re going to allow a silly piece of plastic and lights turn us into shivering little crybabies, where will it all end? Why not tear down every neon sign, traffic light, and lamppost? Couldn’t those be confused for and turned into explosive devices as well? Why not just shut down the power grids altogether in order to prevent any unseen or unknown terrorists from using them for their ultimate plan for world domination? Hell, let’s just start digging those underground bunkers now and stop living our lives! All I’m saying is that I’m just really sick and tired of always having to worry about these terrorist masterminds that are seemingly lurking behind every door and Lite-Brite set. Aren’t you?